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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058754">Matsuda, You Idiot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Gay Cafe [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note &amp; Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Comedy, Cute, Everyone Is Gay, Happy Ending, Matsuda is single, Matt and Mello make meme references, Multi, Not Beta Read, and Matsuda is tired of it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:07:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,474</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Matsuda Touta was, what most people considered, rather naive. Still, though Matsuda was naive, he noticed when Light Yagami started to pine over a certain customer... but Matsuda only had half of the story.</p><p>TL;DR - Matsuda’s being an idiot. Again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amane Misa/Yagami Sayu, L/Yagami Light, Matsuda Touta &amp; Yagami Light, Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Gay Cafe [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Why Is Everyone Gay?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, so this is my first fic, I’m kinda nervous, but I hope y’all like it! It’s a oneshot coffee shop au and I thought it would be cute ☺️</p><p>Don’t worry, nothing is sad, because if you’ve seen death note, you know there’s already enough pain to last you a ✨millennia✨</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was empty as Matsuda opened up Cafe de Lune, the local coffee shop that Matsuda worked at. It was only a ten minute drive from his apartment and he needed the extra money considering how he was barely making his daily rent, not to mention his college debt would only sink him further down the hole. It was his second year of majoring in criminal justice and minoring in law, and he was drowning in all the work that continued to pile up. Lucky for him, he had a great roommate, Light Yagami, who happened to be taking the same course as he was. Oh, and Light was also the smartest student in all of Japan. So, yeah. There’s that too.</p><p>Matsuda sighed. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Matsuda to be surrounded by people smarter than him. But that wasn’t what was on his mind right now. No, what was on his mind were the two young women that walked into the cafe. They arrived at their usual time.</p><p>“Oh, hi Matsuda! How are you?” Misa Amane spoke in her slightly high pitched voice. It wasn’t that Matsuda didn’t like her, it was just that...well...he did like her. A lot.</p><p>“Oh yeah, hey Matsuda,” Sayu said politely. And it wasn’t that Matsuda didn’t like her either, no, it was the same problem as Misa. He really liked Sayu.</p><p>“Hi guys, nothing much, how about you? How’s modeling?” Matsuda asked. </p><p>“It’s great! My manager said I might be asked to be on the cover of Vogue next month!” Misa smiled her classic adorable smile.</p><p>Matsuda looked at them from where he was making their coffees, since they were regulars, it went unsaid. Misa always wanted a chai latte with almond milk and no whipped cream. Sayu always wanted a white chocolate mocha, warm, and whipped cream.</p><p>“Yep! Can you believe it? I’m going to be able to say my girlfriend was on the cover of Vogue!” Sayu exclaimed before tapping Misa on the nose affectionately.</p><p>And there it was. Yes, both the girls who Matsuda had wanted to ask out started dating each other. It’s not like Matsuda thought there was anything wrong with being gay, no, he considered himself an ally. But, damn. He had never dated before and just when he was about to shoot his shot, both of his crushes paired up.</p><p>He was happy for them as a couple, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous of their happiness. </p><p>“Wow, that’s great Misa! You’re going to be a star- I mean- not that you aren’t already one- but-“ Matsuda stuttered as he topped Sayu’s mocha with whipped cream.</p><p>“Haha, it’s okay, I know what you mean. Thank you!” Misa smiled and took her drink to sit down.</p><p>Sayu and Misa sat close to one another in a booth, flirting and talking in hushed voices.</p><p>About twenty minutes passed before Light arrived.</p><p>“Hey, how was opening up? I see that Misa and Sayu are here as usual,” Light glanced over to their booth and Sayu looked up and smiled.</p><p>“Yeah, they’re the first customers, so it’s been pretty easy,” Matsuda smiled, “I thought it was Matt’s turn to come in. What happened?” </p><p>“Ah, well, he said he was ‘feeling kinda sick’, so he won’t be coming in. I told him I’d cover for him if he gave me all his tips from last time,” Light smirked at that. Matsuda knew if he were in Light’s position, he wouldn’t have thought of that. He probably would’ve just covered for Matt, because, well, he was Matsuda. He was nice, empathetic, and somewhat dumb, but in an endearing way.</p><p>Matt was a first year and was majoring in Computer programming. His hair was brown, but dyed a dark tint of red, and he wore these weird looking goggles. He said they were better than glasses, but Matsuda couldn’t see how that would outweigh how, well, dorky they were.</p><p>“Wait, he’s feeling sick? Should I bring him soup?” Matsuda asked.</p><p>“No, he was probably staying up late drinking with Mello or something. You think too highly of him,” Light said as he put on his apron.</p><p>Matsuda had no clue Matt was interested in men until he saw Matt walk out of a bathroom stall with a blonde. At first, Matsuda didn’t even know Mello was a guy, so the look on Matsuda’s face when the blonde with a short bob and a crop top spoke in a deep baritone voice must have been hilarious.</p><p>Matsuda smiled, recalling that a few days after the bathroom incident, Matt walked in with a dog tag that had “Property of Mihael ‘Mello’ Keehl” on one side and “if found, return to Cafe de Lune, and contact 939 474 XXXX” on the other side. And, thus, Matt had become Mello’s property. Mello joked about how he could ensure Matt was his property legally because Mello was a majoring in business. </p><p>Mello had appeared to be impulsive and sometimes rude, but was funny and had his heart in the right place. </p><p>Today was Wednesday, so the cafe was mostly empty during the morning hours. Matsuda let his thoughts wander to relationships.</p><p>Misa and Sayu were such a cute couple. They understood each other, they were affectionate, they comforted each other in hard times, and everyone on campus knew they were great. In all honesty, they were probably soulmates.</p><p>Matt and Mello were like yin and yang. Matt was calm and laid back and Mello was, ironically, uptight and aggressive. They fought quite often and there had been nights where Matt had to crash at Light and Matsuda’s apartment because of the tension. Tears were shed, there was chaos, but in the end, it always worked out, because they worked for it. For a relationship with a lot of chaos, Matt and Mello’s was surprisingly healthy, and most “You’re my property” jokes were just that. Jokes.</p><p>Then there was Roger and Quillish. Matsuda hadn’t interacted with them often, but they technically owned the cafe. They seemed happy, but what was astonishing was how long they’d been together; almost 40 years! They retired and bought a small cafe, though, their adopted son, Near, was the one who ran it. </p><p>Through all this thinking, Matsuda had, what a smart person would call, an epiphany. The three major couples he knew were all LGBTQ parings. ‘Why is everyone gay?’ Matsuda thought; in heterosexual anguish. </p><p>“Light?” Matsuda decided to ask.</p><p>“Yeah?” Light answered.</p><p>“Are you dating someone?”</p><p>There was a pause and Light let his confused and shocked expression show. “Um, Matsuda, I didn’t know you were interested in men, but it’s okay, I-“</p><p>Matsuda hit his head down on the table, “No, I’m not into guys. That’s the problem.”</p><p>Light quirked an eyebrow and let out a small laugh, “Um, what?”</p><p>“Everyone’s gay.”</p><p>Light took a longer pause and looked even more confused. He spoke with a concerned tone, “Matsuda, have you been drinking? Did Matt sell you weed? I mean, it is legal here in California, but I wouldn’t waste money on that if you don’t even have enough funds to buy a happy meal.”</p><p>Matsuda laughed sadly at his lack of money.</p><p>The bell chimed as someone opened the door to Cafe de Lune. A young woman walked in. She was no older than 26 walked in, followed by a hunched over man with messy black hair and dark eye bags.</p><p>“Hi,” Matsuda smiled politely. </p><p>“Hi, sorry, I’m going to need a minute,” the woman laughed nervously. She gazed up at the menu, whispering words to herself as she read.</p><p>Matsuda peaked a glance at Light, who gazed intently in the dark haired woman’s direction. He made eye contact with the man behind her and they were now staring at each other. </p><p>“Oh, okay, can I have a matcha Frappuccino please?” She asked.</p><p>“Okay, could I have a name for it please?” Matsuda asked.</p><p>“Naomi,” she answered.</p><p>“Okay, great, and for you sir?” Matsuda asked looking at the man behind her. He still had his focus on Light, though. ‘Oh, I get it. It’s some macho thing, asserting dominance or whatever. Or maybe- yeah- I bet the man caught Light looking at his girlfriend, Naomi’ Matsuda concluded. Matsuda cleared his throat and the man looked up at him.</p><p>“I would like a Hot Chocolate with extra whipped cream. And the name is Ryuzaki.”</p><p>“Okay, great, coming right up, together or separate?” Matsuda asked.</p><p>“Together,” Naomi answered paying. Matsuda fixed up her drink while Light made Ryuzaki’s.</p><p>Ryuzaki and Naomi whispered to one another and Naomi laughed quietly at something he said. Matsuda saw Light’s face contort into a slight frown as he finished topping the hot chocolate.</p><p>Naomi and Ryuzaki were handed their orders before they moved to a table and sat down. </p><p>“So~ Liiiiiigggghhtt?” Matsuda nudged Light in the side.</p><p>“What?” Light asked. </p><p>“Oh, please, you know what’s going on,” Light just gave Matsuda a confused look, so Matsuda continued, “I saw how you looked at her~ you’re interested in Naomi, aren’t you?” </p><p>Light made a face of amusement. “You think I’m interested in Naomi? She’s engaged.”</p><p>“What? How do you know?”</p><p>“Look at her hand. She has a ring right there. And considering that she keeps fiddling with it, I think she got engaged recently.”</p><p>Matsuda squinted and saw that, in fact, there was a ring on Naomi’s hand.</p><p>“Do you think she’s engaged to Ryuzaki?” Matsuda asked.</p><p>“No,” Light answered, “Ryuzaki isn’t wearing a ring.”</p><p>Matsuda looked and found that, once again, Light was correct. </p><p>“Hmm...but, still, she’s getting married to someone. Light,” Matsuda gasped, “You’re not going to try to come between Naomi and her future husband or wife, are you? Scandalous!”</p><p>Light smirked at that, “No...nothing like that.”</p><p>Matsuda was confused, but that wasn’t anything unusual. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you SSSOOO SOOOO MICH FOR READING!!!!</p><p>Okay, so, I’m having issues with ao3 where I can’t edit the notes at the beginning, but incase you couldn’t tell, this is not a one shot! It’s a 4 chapter story that’s pretty short. Also, this is going to appear at the end of chapter 4 and I have no clue how to stop it sooo....  :)</p><p>Don’t drop your crown queen 👑</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. No Homo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Back for chapter two? Great!!! Thank you so much for reading my story and thanks to those who left kudos! It means so much to me ❤️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the next day and Matsuda came in for his afternoon shift right after his classes. He was exhausted. </p><p>He walked into the cafe to find Matt missing from the counter where Matt was supposed to be taking care of things. A line of people started accumulating.</p><p>Matsuda scrambled to get his apron on and quickly helped the customers, working as fast as he could considering he was only one person. Nonetheless, he had to fill the role of two people because a CERTAIN SOMEONE was nowhere to be found. Matsuda felt his frustration grow as he accidentally spilled hot coffee on his hand.</p><p>With the line gone, Matsuda texted Matt. He heard a ringtone and saw that Matt’s phone was on the counter. Matsuda glanced at the customers before quickly retreating to the back room. Matsuda grabbed a broom and prepared to use it as a weapon.</p><p>He heard noises coming from the storage room and opened the door to find Mello pushing Matt against the wall. Mello was kissing Matt’s neck, but from Matsuda’s perspective, it looked like Mello was trying to eat Matt.</p><p>Matt and Matsuda made eye contact.</p><p>“...shit,” Matt quickly pushed Mello back and for a moment, Matsuda, Mello and Matt just sat staring at each other. </p><p>Matsuda wasn’t Einstein, but he knew that he was lucky to have not walked in on anything more...traumatizing.</p><p>“Low key though, this-“ Matt was interrupted by Mello. </p><p>“Don’t tell Near about this, that would radiate some serious bottom energy.”</p><p>Matsuda pointed his broom at Mello accusingly before saying, “You don’t even work here! What are you doing?!?”</p><p>“He was trying to get us to bang in the closet...thought that much was obvious,” Matt retorted.</p><p>“Listen, this never happened. Got that? Repeat after me, this never happened,” Mello stood up and slowly approached Matsuda like Matsuda was a scared animal.</p><p>“Stay back!” Matsuda waved his broom threateningly. </p><p>“Matsuda, dude, please keep quiet on this, if I get fired, I won’t be able to pay for college! Please? Don’t tell Near,” Matt pleaded. </p><p>“You know, I know we keep saying ‘don’t tell Near’, but I bet you he already knows. That little shit is everywhere,” Mello stated.</p><p>“Are you talking about me?”</p><p>Everyone’s head turned to the corner of the room furthest from Matsuda. The monotone and slightly feminine voice was distinctly recognizable.</p><p>Near’s head popped out of a small storage box and he looked at Matt and Mello with an amused expression.</p><p>“Near! Please, I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again, please don’t fire me-“ Matt was cut off by Near.</p><p>“You’re lucky Matsuda had everything under control. Matsuda, Matt, go back to work. Mello, get out of my cafe,” Near said as he crawled out of the box.</p><p>“You don’t even own the cafe,” Mello argued.</p><p>“Fine. I’ll just fire Matt instead. Unless, that is, you leave and allow my employees to work,” Near gestured towards the exit.</p><p>Mello begrudgingly left. Matsuda and Matt went to tend to the customers.</p><p>Just a normal day at Cafe de Lune.</p><p>*****</p><p>It was an hour until closing time when none other than Naomi walked in, followed by Ryuzaki. The ringing of the bell made Matt look up from his Nintendo Switch.</p><p>The two of them approached the counter and Naomi smirked a bit.</p><p>“Hi,” Matsuda greeted.</p><p>“Hello, so can I have the matcha Frappuccino and the hot chocolate with extra whipped cream?” She asked.</p><p>“Sure, will that be all?”</p><p>“Yes,” she pulled out her card to pay.</p><p>Matt was already starting on the Frappuccino, so Matsuda started making the hot chocolate.</p><p>“Hmmm, the guy that was here last time...when is he working again?” She asked, somewhat casually, but Matsuda could sense the ulterior motives in her question.</p><p>Ryuzaki glared daggers at Naomi, but she just smiled.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, Light won’t be working again until tomorrow morning,” Matsuda answered.</p><p>“Oh, Okay...so...is he single?” Naomi smiled widely as Ryuzaki coughed loudly behind her and elbowed her.</p><p>“Bruh, Light got no chill. Why? Are you interested in him?” Matt asked as he finished making Naomi’s Frappuccino. If Matsuda had a nickel for every time Near chastised Matt for calling a customer ‘bruh’, Matsuda would have enough money to buy a happy meal.</p><p>Naomi didn’t seem fazed by Matt’s casual tone. She just smiled and said, “Just asking for a friend.”</p><p>“Well, no, I don’t think Light is dating anyone right now,” Matsuda said, smiling as he finished making the hot chocolate. </p><p>Naomi had a huge grin on her face. Ryuzaki’s hand covered the lower half of his face, but you could still see the small blush on his cheeks. They took their drinks and sat down. </p><p>“Wonder what that was about,” Matt said, returning to whatever game he was playing on his Nintendo Switch.</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Matsuda smiled.</p><p>*****</p><p>When Matsuda got home, he couldn’t help but tell Light the whole story. Light was smiling the whole time.</p><p>“You can’t go out with her Light! It would be cheating!” Matsuda exclaimed.</p><p>“Oh Matsuda, I would never do that. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” Light smiled condescendingly.</p><p>“Just what are you planning?” Matsuda asked.</p><p>“Nothing,” Light blatantly lied.</p><p>Matsuda couldn’t wait to see how this would unfold.</p><p>*****</p><p>The next morning when Naomi and Ryuzaki walked in, Matsuda watched closely to see what was happening. They ordered like usual, Ryuzaki staying strangely quiet, but when they took their  drinks, Naomi slid a small paper to Light. A smile and a blush appearing on Light’s face as he read the paper. Before Matsuda could see it, Light quickly shoved it in his pocket.</p><p>During their break, Matsuda couldn’t help but ask Light about the paper.</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand, but I promise, I’m not trying to come between anyone,” Light answered cryptically, a smile appearing on his lips.</p><p>*****</p><p>It was late afternoon on a Friday night when Matsuda finished making pasta. He made some classic Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and was decently impressed he didn’t catch the kitchen on fire. He was about to call Light out for dinner when he spotted Light in a dress shirt and pants. His hair was lightly blow dried and styled nicely and he smelled like expensive cologne.</p><p>Actually, Light was rather attractive. ‘Wait, thats gay and I’m not gay. Well, it’s fine if I think no homo’ Matsuda mentally chastised himself. </p><p>“Sorry Matsuda, but I have a date tonight and if all goes well I won’t be back til morning,” Light said with a smile.</p><p>“Wait, a date? Don’t tell me you’re meeting with Naomi!” Matsuda exclaimed.</p><p>“No, I already told you I’m not interested in her or helping someone cheat. I’m just going on a date.”</p><p>“With who?”</p><p>Light smirked at that, putting a finger to his lips in a gesture to keep quiet, “It’s a secret.”</p><p>With that, Light left.</p><p>“Well Macaroni, looks like it’s just you and me, huh?” Matsuda sighed at his Kraft Mac and Cheese. But a new determination filled Matsuda. It was Friday night! He was going to have fun!</p><p>*****</p><p>Matsuda woke up to the world’s worst hangover on Saturday morning.</p><p>He slowly sat up as his brain pounded in his head. It felt like it didn’t fit in his skull.</p><p>He managed to make his way over to the bathroom and washed his face. Memories from last night flooded his head. Drinking with Misa and Sayu. Bar hopping. Dancing. More drinking with Misa and Sayu. Almost getting in a fight, but managing to run away. Drinking. Misa and Sayu laughing. Drinking. Getting in a taxi and making it home. Did he mention drinking?</p><p>Matsuda sighed and checked his watch. It was nearing 12:00 in the afternoon. He smelled...food? Matsuda’s stomach growled at the thought of breakfast.</p><p>He walked into the kitchen and found Light making breakfast.</p><p>His hair was messy and his neck was decorated with hickeys.</p><p>“Light! Did you- you- wait, did you-“ Matsuda started to say but couldn’t finish.</p><p>“Oh, hey, I’m making some food right now, want some?” Light interrupted. </p><p>Light smiled. ‘Damn, he’s kinda hot. No homo tho’ Matsuda corrected himself mentally.</p><p>Snapping back to reality, Matsuda finished his sentence.</p><p>“Oh my god, Light! Did you have a one night stand?” Matsuda gestured to the hickeys on Light's neck.</p><p>Light only laughed in response. </p><p>“Come on then Light! Spill it! What was she like?” Matsuda interrogated. </p><p>Light choked on air before simply stating, “I’m not the type to kiss and tell.”</p><p>Matsuda continued to pester Light for the rest of the day, but Light wouldn’t spare any details. Matsuda decided the only way to get answers was to find them himself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Welcome to the end of chapter two! Hope you liked it :0</p><p>The next update will probably be on Friday or Saturday, because back to school season is here and ✨I didn’t do any summer assignments ✨</p><p>So yeah 😗✌️</p><p>Thank you for reading!!!</p><p>Raise your head high queen, don’t drop your crown 👑</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Agent Matsuda and the Secret InvestiGAYtion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! So, I updated (last minute, but still on schedule)! Did I finish my schoolwork? Fuck no! But hey, I ain’t missing an update 😤</p>
<p>Anyway, enjoy!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matsuda was stumped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was making coffee for himself during his morning shift at Cafe de Lune and was thinking as hard as he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt interrupted his train of thought. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah, well, it’s just...Light is dating someone now, I think,” Matsuda explained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh...you jealous? Or, like, are they fucking in the room to loud or something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wh-What?!? Jealous? No, I- no. Well...no,” Matsuda considered, “The thing is, I haven’t met the girl, and he refuses to tell me who it is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“‘<em>The Girl</em>’?- You know what- never mind. Well, we could always do a mini investigation. I know how to get into phones and shit so...” Matt trailed off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?! You’d do that?!” Matsuda exclaimed enthusiastically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, sounds fun, why not? Who knows, maybe we’ll find some nudes or something,” Matt shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda smiled, knowing that with the nonchalant genius on his side, he’d know who Light was ‘dancing the devil’s tango’ with in no time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda was screwed. <br/><br/></p>
<p>He had just entered Lights room in search of Light’s phone. Light was sleeping.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda breathed quietly as he crept to the bedside table where Light’s phone was charging. Matsuda remembered the conversation with Matt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Why don’t you take Light’s phone during one of the shifts you guys share?” Matsuda asked.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Cuz Light always keeps his phone in his pocket. Also, if I got caught trying to take it, he would tell Near and I wouldn’t be able to pay for college. As revenge, I’d hack into your bank account and take a huge loan that would put you so far in debt, you’d have to eat cardboard for the next 5 years,” Matt threatened.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, here Matsuda was, creeping across the floor, when one of the floorboards creaked under his weight. Light shifted in his sleep and started mumbling. Matsuda froze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Matsuda...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda stood so still he could hear his heart in his ears. He had been caught, he was going to be kicked out, and Light was going to hate him because this whole thing was stupid-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...you idiot...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And with that, Light was asleep again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda felt a sudden pang of sadness; even in his sleep, Light knew what a dumbass Matsuda was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda approached the phone and took it off the bed stand. He crept back out of the room and quickly removed the SIM card. He followed the instructions Matt gave him and put the SIM card in a small device before plugging the device into his laptop. Then, Matsuda downloaded the SIM card and quickly put it back in Light’s phone. He quietly snuck into Light’s room and put the phone back like nothing happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Matsuda made it out of Light’s room, he sighed and pumped his fist. Mission complete!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day when Matsuda was closing up, Matt logged into Matsuda’s laptop and started going through Light’s phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Matsuda! I think I found something...” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda quickly ran to his computer and found a text messaging chain. It read:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: Hey, what’s up? 👋</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>L: Who is this?</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: Oh, this is Light. Is this L? 🤔</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>L: Yeah, this is L</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: I hope it’s alright that Naomi gave me your number 😬</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>L: Yeah, it’s fine, I actually asked her to</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: Well then, since matchmaker Naomi put us together...maybe we could meet somewhere? </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>L: You mean like a date?</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: Yeah, exactly ☺️</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>L: I’d love to, how about Manson’s Bar at 7:30 on Friday?</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: Yeah, sounds great! 🥳 I’m free that day</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>L: I know.</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Me: ...What? 😶</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><strong>L: Nothing, see you Friday!</strong> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matsuda finished reading the text and was worried about Light’s well being.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well...that’s creepy as fuck,” Matt deduced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah...sounds like a stalker. Wait, that means whoever this girl is, she has been to this cafe!” Matsuda offered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“‘<em>Girl</em>’?- wait, look at this,” Matt scrolled again as he read through the messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt suddenly pointed at the screen</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And that’s L’s number,” Matt quickly punched it into his phone and called.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He waited. And waited. Then, the genetic voicemail played and Matt hung up his phone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Damn! What do we do now?” Matsuda asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt quickly punched in some passwords and opened an app with a map display.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, if this ‘L’ won’t respond to our call, then we’ll just need to track him down,” Matt explained. A small bubble popped up on the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ready for a road trip?” Matsuda asked enthusiastically. He missed that fact that Matt said he.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Matt turned on his car, it took about two seconds before the speakers started blasting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“AAGGHH-“ Matsuda covered his ears as Thomas the Train music screamed his ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hell was that?” Matsuda looked at Matt. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt just sighed before saying, “Yeah, sometimes Mello will just do that for kicks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? That’s so annoying...,” Matsuda sighed, ears still ringing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m right here, dumbass,” Mello smirked from the backseat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did Matsuda mention he was scared of Mello? Maybe it was to be inferred when Matsuda protected himself against Mello by holding a broom. And so, when Mello suddenly fabricated out of nowhere, the sound Matsuda proceeded to make was that of a dying whale and tortured squirrel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt just chuckled and buckled his seat belt. As he pulled out of the parking lot, he explained the plan to Mello. Within minutes, they were on the road, heading to their mystery address.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They stopped outside of a small apartment building. Matt huffed and checked the laptop again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It says we’re at the right place, but it might be hard to determine what floor he’s on, not to mention what room he’s in,” Matt explained.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, it could be- wait, what do you mean ‘he’?” Matsuda questioned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Light’s a bottom bitch,” Mello said, nonchalantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Takes one to know one,” Matt mumbled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did you-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, Light- Light’s- wait- so he’s-“ Matsuda was cut off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gay? Duh. What straight man-hell- what top would use <em>that</em> many emojis? Anyway, we need to figure out-“ Matt started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Matsuda was far from done with this conversation, “Wait, how do you know this!?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cuz he told me. Also, he kept flirting with the dude customers and he’d get hella tips cuz of it,” Matt said, once again preoccupied by the laptop, opening another app.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Matsuda had a sudden flashback to every time Light would lean just a <em>little</em> too far over the counter, or would smile that award winning smile, or the fact that he made almost twice as many tips working with Light than he did working with Matt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Got it! Okay, so the other app I have says that L’s phone is now in...ah, this room,” Matt pointed at the screen, “but what’s even more interesting is that Light’s phone is also in that room,” Matt pointed to the other small dot that suddenly popped up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So...we gonna crash the date then?” Mello asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one needed to answer. They all knew it was a yes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were all standing in front of a small apartment. Room 108. Now that they were here, though, they had no clue what to do now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Umm, we could listen through the door,” Matsuda offered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We could, but I’m not sure how much that would tell us...maybe we could-“ Matt was cut off with the sudden sound of Mello’s foot crashing against the door and the door flying open.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was like knowing what was happening but not reacting quickly enough to prevent it. Matt reached for Mello; Matsuda, for the door, but it was too late. They acted too slowly and the sight that laid before them was the price they had to pay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sup! Thank you for reading! I’ll probably update on Monday or Tuesday!</p>
<p>I realized that for some reason, chapter two has 2 end notes? Idk, it’s weird, ignore it if it happens again.</p>
<p>Anyway, don’t drop you crown queens 👑</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Thought You Were American</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The Final Chapter ;-;</p><p>Thank you guys for making it this far!!!<br/>I appreciate all the kudos and attention, not to mention, your amazing comments &lt;3</p><p>I’m actually really sad this fic has to end, but fear not! There will be another installment! (More info at end notes)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It took a few seconds to process the sight that sat before them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The room they entered was a small kitchen where both Ryuzaki and Light were.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Light was up sitting on the kitchen table with his shirt off and legs spread. Ryuzaki was standing between Light’s legs. Both were shirtless. Light’s arms were wrapped around Ryuzaki’s neck and Ryuzaki’s hands were reaching for Light’s zipper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Light and Ryuzaki were kissing, but suddenly broke apart. Light and Ryuzaki we’re now looking at the door where the three idiots stood in shocked silence.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“...”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“...ggaaaaaAAAAAAYYYY,” Mello cupped his hands around his mouth as he yelled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pfffftttt,” Matt held in a laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“MATSUDA?!? WHAT’S GOING ON!?!” Light demanded as he hopped off of the counter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’D LIKE TO KNOW TOO!” Matsuda fired back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell are you here?” Light asked, now scrambling to find his shirt. Ryuzaki- L- whoever- gingerly picked it up off of the floor and handed it to Light.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am also curious as to how you found out where Light was,” L remarked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Matsuda stole your SIM card and we managed to track you here,” Matt spoke up. Matsuda took note to strangle Matt later on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“MATSUDA THAT IS A BREECH OF MY PRIVACY!” Light looked furious, but it was hard to take him seriously when he had a line of hickeys on his neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m sorry! I was just curious and I-oh my god, don’t kick me out! Oh my god, I’m sorry, please don’t kick me out! You’re my only friend and if you hate me I don’t know what I’ll do oh my god-“ Light cut Matsuda off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Matsuda, you idiot,” Light sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, ”You’re the only person dumb enough to not actually understand what a idiotic decision that was- so no. I won’t kick you out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...but do you hate me?” Matsuda asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not yet at least...but you’re doing the dishes for the next month dumbass,” Light bargained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda just smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, it was the frogman all along...” Matt commented.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you referring to me?” L asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. We were trying to figure out who Light was hooking up with, but I never guessed it’d be you, frogman,” Matt said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Frogman?” Mello asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he sits like a frog,” Matt explained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He does?” Matsuda asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ye- did you not notice?! That’s kinda like, I dunno, obvious,” Matt said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda realized that he was so preoccupied with Naomi he didn’t even realize the weird sitting posture. Now that L was sitting in a chair, he realized the correlation it had to a frog.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should’ve guessed it first,” Mello stated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” L asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gays can’t sit in chairs,” Mello stated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But what about Light?” Matsuda asked, out of pure curiosity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right about that, but...his last name backwards...” L stated, now seeming to catch into the logic Mello used.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda started thinking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hmm...Yagami. I m a g a y. Imagay. </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>I’m a gay.</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Wait-‘</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Matsuda. If you ever do this again; keep In mind we are roommates. I know everything about you; where you live, you favorite things, your worst fears, your social security number...Everything. So. I won’t kill you, but I’ll make you wish you were dead. Are we clear?” Light threatened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep!” Matsuda replied, cheerily. He knew it was all empty threats. Well- actually- he hoped they were all empty threats.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well then, you guys get lost, we were in the middle of something,” Light said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, believe me, we could tell,” Mello smirked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were promptly kicked out of the apartment so Light and L could continue their date.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on Matt, let me take a pastry!” Mello begged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, if Near finds out you stole another one, he’ll kill me!” Matt explained, “Give me one good reason I should.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mello smirked at that, “Because, if you do, I’ll...” Mello leaned over the counter and whispered in Matt’s ear. Matt’s face morphed into a bright crimson and he coughed out of embarrassment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Matt handed Mello a chocolate croissant, “I hate you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you too,” Mello skipped off with a wink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few minutes after Mello left, Light and L entered the cafe with Misa and Sayu close behind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi guys! Here on a double date?” Matsuda asked as he began to make their usuals.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep! I can’t believe Light found himself a boyfriend who’s also studying criminal justice! That’s crazy!” Sayu smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe Light found a boyfriend at all!” Misa teased</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda smiled as Light and Misa started arguing and L and Sayu started their own conversation. Just a normal day at Cafe de Lune.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quillish and Rodger</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayu and Misa</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matt and Mello</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>L and Light</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda looked over his shoulder at Near in curiosity. Matsuda continued to wipe off the tables until he heard the seventeen year old making sounds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vrrrooomm...crash- ‘ah, help us!’ Pow. Pop. ‘Nooo!’” Near maneuvered his action figures.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda couldn’t hold in his laughter at watching Near play with toys.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it Matsuda?” Near asked, suddenly defensive. Matsuda smiled widely, remembering again that </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> guy was his boss. Matsuda went back to his thoughts about relationships and couldn’t help but wonder about Near.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well...can I ask you a personal question?” Matsuda winced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, no promises I’ll answer it though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Umm...are you on that side of the fence?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Near looked slightly taken aback before he smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m in a tunnel underneath said fence with no plans of ever approaching the fence or either side of the fence in the indefinite future,” Near explained.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda, not even wanting to try to decipher that, said “...what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m asexual and aromantic. I don’t ‘hit it’,” Near used air quotes as he spoke, ”With anyone and I don’t engage in romantic relationships.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s cool...but...am I the only straight person in this cafe?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Near looked at Matsuda and sighed deeply, “Matsuda, you realize you work at a Gay Cafe, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Matsuda’s eyes widened, “...what?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Matsuda, there’s a pride flag at our window and we have LGBTQ+ meetings every Wednesday at 6:00 pm. How did you not notice?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait- I thought the flag was just a decoration or something and I thought the meetings were a literature thing,” the pieces started clicking into place as Matsuda thought more about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cafe de Lune was a Gay Cafe?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cafe de Lune was a Gay Cafe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Matsuda...you idiot,” Near said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Indeed. Indeed he was.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The End~</p><p>For now...</p><p>The next installment for Gay Cafe will include:<br/>* A confused Matsuda<br/>* A sexuality crisis<br/>* A sexually confused Matsuda<br/>* Memes<br/>* Matt and Mello being chaotically gay<br/>* L and Light being aesthetically gay<br/>* Misa and Sayu being adorably gay<br/>* Everyone’s Gay<br/>* Gay<br/>* Yamamoto’s hot...so... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)</p><p>My next fic is going to be a highschool au about L and Light, but I promise, I will return to the Gay Cafe soon!</p><p>Love y’all so much, don’t drop your crown queen 👑</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked it! Thank you SOOO SOOOOO MUCH FOR READING</p><p>I will finish this fic and I will probably post a chapter a day (or maybe every 2 days), depends really.</p><p>This fic will probably be close to 4 or 5 chapters total give or take<br/>Don’t drop you’re crown queen 👑</p></blockquote></div></div>
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